We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
