Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize