Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
