Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
