College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
