And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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