I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want a musical about memes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
