My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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