Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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