yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
