they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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