Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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