I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize