Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
