We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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