I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
