just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
