I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
