Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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