Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
