Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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