Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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