How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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