im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
