The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
