I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
