im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
