o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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