what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
