i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
