i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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