Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I deserve this hangover.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
