it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
