the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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