Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
