I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
