So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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