if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im drinking this country out of the recession.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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