Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
