Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i drank out of a bidet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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