dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
