They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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