what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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