dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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