you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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