Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
