I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
