you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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