Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
