I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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