I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think i have two assholes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
