I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize