i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
