Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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