Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I died a long time ago.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
