Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
