I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
