I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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