my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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