My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
