Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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