lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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