i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
