He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
