so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
