these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
