dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am mentally ready for anal.
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