It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
