did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
