Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
